Getting Started

              “Procrastination is the thief of time” ~ Edward Young

You picked up this book, because you are not happy with a relationship in your life, you have no relationship, or you just left a relationship. You want to find the perfect person for YOU! You have probably exhausted yourself trying to find this person, and you have given up hope that they are even out there.

You want someone in your life, but you don’t know where to start. So, you try random things to find the right person, trying this, then that, and back again. There is no rhyme or reason to your behavior and then you become frustrated because you are not getting anywhere on your road to love. Then, you give up, only to try again later, doing it all over again.

Many years ago, I was told, “"If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always gotten." I learned this quote was from  Peter Urs Bender, keynote speaker and best selling author of five books including "Leadership from Within".  He also warns, "If you continue to do what you've always done - you will get less. Just to stay even you must change what you do - and to grow you must change drastically how you do it." Bender was speaking about communication and leadership skills. However, I have learned that business concepts can frequently be used in life skills as well. This is one of those concepts.

Getting Ready for Love

“It is necessary for the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself”~ Thomas Payne

“All things are ready if our minds be so” ~ William Shakespeare

There is a magical aspect to finding your true love, a feeling that seems to seep through your very soul as he or she comes into your life. But before you get to that point, there is work to do. We become stagnant in our thoughts, and our lives become too congested for love to find its way in. You might have some have healing to do. Everyone must make their life “love-friendly”.

Ok, so how do you do this? Believe it or not, it is not as hard as you may think. It will take some time, and effort, but if the big prize at the end is the love of your life, isn’t it worth it?

Let’s get started . . . . .                

 First things first 

  

“Out of clutter find simplicity; From discord find harmony; In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

 Albert Einstein

I know we are here to find a soul mate, but, before you can even begin to look, you need to take care of some personal things first – like your emotional baggage. Besides, there is no law that says you can’t start living until you find Mr or Ms Right.

To start, you need to stop hating the single life. You need to find yourself before you find your soul mate. Once you're happy with yourself, a soul mate can make you even happier, but no one can fill the emptiness created by not knowing who you are. In fact, it is wrong of you to even expect that of someone else.

Start living now . . . Enjoy your life, go out with friends, and seek paths of self improvement. Spend time developing or pursuing current interests. Seek adventure.  Take classes, and do things that help you grow personally, spiritually, and professionally. Work on creating the life you want to be leading--even if there is no one to share it with yet--and in the process, you will create a fuller, richer, and more welcoming you.

Don't obsess over finding your soul mate. Coming off as needy and desperate for love is not attractive to a soul mate - nor to anyone else, for that matter! In fact, being desperate seems to put off a sense that attracts abusive people. They prey on those who are insecure and in need of having someone. We will discuss this person later, but for now, trust me; you do not want to become this person’s next target. Just be yourself, keep an open mind, and wait.

Spend the next 24 hours thinking about this, and tomorrow, we begin:

  

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet” ~ Jean Jacques Rousseau

What is a Soul Mate?

What is a Soul Mate?

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."~ Aristotle

Many people, when talking about a soul mate, are referring to the idea of a ‘twin flame” or “twin soul” – the idea that this soul mate is the one and only other half of one’s soul – the half that makes you whole – the one and only that everyone seeks to find and join. 

When I refer to soul mate, I am not referring to these mystical ideas about a mate. I refer to someone with whom one has a feeling of connection; a natural attraction or feeling of kinship. It is about respect, humor, friendship, honesty, warmth, love, intimacy, spirituality, and compatibility that come when you are in the presence of this person. It is a chemistry that helps you to connect on a different level than any other person.

My sister gave my husband and I an acrylic figurine that defines soul mate as: “A person of whom one has a strong affinity which cannot be expressed through words. A best friend, a lover, a partner, a confidante, a better half, a significant other . . . “ Isn’t this what we want in life?

If I could only use one word to describe how my soul mate makes me feel, it would have to be  content.  I can’t say that I ever felt this way with any other person.  It goes beyond the contentment that a mother feels when she holds her child. It is a contentment that goes to your soul.  This person makes you feel safe, secure, and loved like no other can. Before I met my husband, I had never used this word to describe how a person made me feel. I feel safe to be myself; to say what I feel, and secure enough to be totally honest.

Is your soul mate perfect?  No. Neither are you. However, your soul mate FEELS Perfect to you! 

So, are you are ready to find your soul mate? That person is out there. You just have to prepare yourself to meet that person. That way, when you meet him/her, you will recognize them for the soul mate that they are.

  

In Dreams, and in love, there are no impossibilities ~ James Arany

What You Will Learn

"The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed."
J. Krishnamurti

What You Will Learn

1. How to enjoy being single until you meet the right person.
2. How to love yourself
3. Get to  know yourself in order to recognize your soul mate
4. You have to prepare yourself for a relationship before you can find true love.
5. Emotional baggage weighs more than you realize.
6. Signs of those who are not right for anyone.
7. How to develop the capacity to identify true love.
8. How to make your life love friendly.                                                   
9. How to build your confidence.
10. How to de-clutter your life.
11. How to step outside your comfort zone
12. How to become more optimistic
13. How to recognize the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

"Love is indescribable and unconditional. I could tell you a thousand things that it is not, but not one that it is."
Duke Ellington

Introduction continued

As my son got older and more independent, I realized that I was becoming lonely. I knew that once he left home, my life was going to be too quiet. I would have no one. But, I was still sure that I did not want a man in my life, either, did I?

I learned what I am about to teach you by accident. I tripped along this path with no guidance, no help, and no encouragement. I did these things I am about to teach you based on what I had learned in my Psychology classes, and even an art class. I also learned them on the long rough road I took to finding my true love. There were detours, and my own mistakes that made this a very long journey. It took me almost 13 years to find true love. If I can shorten your walk, I will have succeeded in my goal.

 One night, I sat down and looked at the list of the traits of my perfect man, which I had done for my counselor. Why I had saved it, I don’t know. I had kept it in a book with all my poetry, so it was safe from harm, and forgotten. I had reached a point in my life where I could not longer write poetry.

From what I had learned, I developed a plan. I had no idea where I was going with it, but at least I started it.

I want to give you the tools you need to find love, and to avoid the pitfalls that I encountered. I want to give you the encouragement to follow through. I am doing all of this because there is such a prize at the end of this journey, I want everyone to find the happiness that I have found.

I am a person of convictions. I have found myself compelled to write this book. I am so happy in my life, I almost feel guilty. I want others to have the happiness I have found. I have shared some of these ideas with others, and it seems to change people overnight. When you know that there is someone out there for you, it gives you hope.

All of my friends and my family have encouraged me to write this. Everyone I meet, when they hear the story of Jerry and I, and see how happy we are, they want to know how they can do the same.

Happiness creates optimistic people. Seek out happy people. You will not find a pessimist in the bunch. Happiness and pessimism are opposites! 

            When you find your soul mate, I would like to hear from you. I love happy endings . . . . or rather, beginnings.

Special note:

I refer to people in the he/him form, because I am a woman. This does not mean that this won’t work for a man, too. After all, my husband, Jerry, subconsciously did the same things, and found me!